Helping is always offered, never pushed. If you find yourself pushing then you are not helping, you are doing something else. Pushing can be selling, telling, convincing, persuading or expecting. Offering is just that, an offer for consideration. Now immediately some situations will come to mind where this may seem too weak. Offering is like the wind existing in many forms, yet it is still the wind – present then leaving. Offering help can come with passion, tenderness, firmness, with a light touch or heavy touch and then it leaves.The free will of the person is always respected, when you are helping someone, by offering.
Being in-knowing is not useful to helping someone. Knowing what is best and pre-deciding (judging and evaluating) are the two biggest forms requiring attention. Now what if you are an expert that people seek out? Consider this – treat everyone fresh, see the person, everyone is unique. Explain in a manner that allows people to make their own decisions. Be prepared with at least one alternative. If you are an expert, listen to their story, while you may have effective solutions, not everyone will be ready to apply them.
When helping someone invite his or her wisdom to appear. This is a key principle of helping. Also do not lead with your wisdom, lay it aside until later. Now this can be challenging for some, especially if you have your own wisdom, or someone is dependent on you, or you feel the need to help – to soothe the pain and discomfort.
Trust that wisdom is always present in the living system – a person, relationship, circle or community. To invite wisdom to appear, help the person breathe. Wisdom is linked to breath. Help the person walk across time – exploring the past, future and present. This is like ice-skating . One glides through the past – harvesting. Then glides into the future with eyes wide open noticing and sensing possibilities seeing the outcomes if present patterns persist. If you wish to evoke wisdom, invite a circle to form around a question. Wisdom always arrives in a circle if there is listening.
The next principle of helping someone is to listen. Listening is the foundation for all possibilities and a source of healing. If you wish to be helpful practice your listening. Try not to be waiting to speak when helping someone.
Try to achieve one of the profound states of being as much as you are able– Appreciation, Respect, in-Learning and Service. Energetically in-learning means to greet the world with openness of mind, heart and spirit. Appreciation is the practice of seeing wholeness and the practice of affirming, especially when a person or community does not feel whole or affirmed. Energetically respect means to see people, appreciate them, provide an open space for them. Energetically service means to deeply hold the interests of a person, relationship, circle or community offering help without attachment to outcome. Each of these states creates a space that reveals more possibilities, supports healing and invites the voice of people to come forward.
Lastly helping someone is achieved by walking side-by-side. This is called “being- with.” While there is no simple word for this energetic quality–it is a quality, which is present when someone has no agenda. This is an active state of “cutting the strings” in the relationship.There is no pulling or pushing. It is a movement towards service, appreciation and respect.
1) Help is always offered, 2) invite wisdom to come forward, 3) listen, 4) move into a profound state of being and 5) walk side-by-side, — these five principles apply to helping a person, a relationship, a circle of people or a community. Practice these well for there is much help needed in your communities.
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