Learning Partners

So tell me, who walks alongside you as a partner in-learning? Who has your best interest at heart, but does not think that she knows what is best for you?

Children are taught through myths, stories, and community beliefs to first and foremost see the romantic love of desire – to find someone to adore them. Shift the message to your children – seek those who will be in-learning with you, who value walking alongside of you, for there is much growth and healing that will occur. This is a reversal of many strong inclinations, which are sent and reinforced daily, from all corners of the community. How would it be if the stories were not about love, romance, sexuality or attracting your mate? What if the stories were about great partnerships that are in-learning, of partners who supported and challenged one another to grow and flourish?

What are the characteristics or qualities of learning partners?

First and foremost, they walk along side one another with balance and respect. There is no pulling, pushing or prodding. Each holds the other’s interests well, not imposing his or her beliefs. Judgments – good, bad, best, better than ~ less than – all fall to the wayside replaced by appreciation of the journey each is living. The invitation to speak the truth and to speak from the heart shapes the conversation. Each person can share his fears and darker thoughts and trust that the other is listening. In a learning partnership there is much listening, sensing and noticing. In times of conflict and emotional disturbance, as many things are said and emotions and thoughts fly with sharp edges – you can trust that one will step forward and try to learn, breaking the conflict with listening or speaking from the heart. The belief in the other’s wisdom is always present.

And yes, often a rich form of love grows at the feet of learning partners, winding its way into how they treat one another. This is the love of appreciation, unadorned with expectations and unconditional. This love nourishes and never withdraws.

How do you find a learning partner – by shaping yourself not seeking someone else.

• Begin to value feedback, seeing yourself through other’s eyes.
It is rare that someone can see himself even when looking in a mirror. Value understanding how your movements impact others. Value hearing from another when you are not being your better self, when you are not expressing your voice. Value someone sharing her feedback, when she notices that you are stuck in habits or old wounds and acting from this space.

• Practice appreciation. This might seem strange, but I assure that most relationships run dry of appreciation and there is nothing such as too much appreciation. People are more likely to offer you the truth when they feel appreciated.

Finding a learning partner is not as difficult as it may seem, if you practice opening yourself to learning.

Comments

[Michael]

From the text of the sayings of the Buddha The Dhammapada
The Buddha's Path of Wisdom

76. Should one find a man who points out faults and who reproves, let him follow such a wise and sagacious person as one would a guide to hidden treasure. It is always better, and never worse, to cultivate such an association.

77. Let him admonish, instruct and shield one from wrong; he, indeed, is dear to the good and detestable to the evil.